Not a Trend, Not a Coach: What a Birth Doula Really Does
If you’re here, chances are you’ve heard the word doula (or maybe you haven’t) but something about birth support feels unclear, incomplete, or bigger than what Google can answer.
This post isn’t meant to convince you to hire a doula or tell you how your birth should go. It’s here to offer clarity. To name what many moms feel but can’t quite put into words yet. And to explain what a doula actually does (especially inside the hospital system) so you can intentionally plan for your birth experience.
Let’s start with the basics.
What a birth doula generally does
If you’ve never heard of a doula before (or maybe you’re just unsure of what one does) you’re not behind. It’s genuinely hard to explain, especially to someone who’s never experienced birth inside the modern hospital system.
One thing that matters to say right away: doulas aren’t new. They’re not a trend. Women have supported other women through pregnancy and birth for all of human history. What’s new is how far our modern systems have moved away from that village-style care. At a basic level, a birth doula is a non-medical professional who supports a woman emotionally, mentally, and informationally through pregnancy, labor, and birth.
Doulas don’t perform medical interventions. We don’t replace your partner. We don’t replace your nurses or doctors.
What we do is tend to the part of the mother that the medical system does not.
A doula helps you understand what’s happening, why certain things are being offered, and what your options are. We help you slow down decisions when things feel rushed. We help you ask questions, ask for time, and speak up in moments that are surprisingly hard to navigate once you’re actually in labor.
And yes (this is often the part people get stuck on) we are paid out of pocket. Not because we’re duplicating support that’s already there, but because what we offer isn’t procedural care. It’s relational, continuous, and deeply individualized.
Which brings me to the question most moms are really asking.
Do I need a doula for a hospital birth?
This is usually the first question moms ask, either out loud or quietly in their own head.
Do I really need a doula if I’m already giving birth in a hospital?
Won’t I already have nurses, doctors, and my partner there?
Why would I pay out of pocket for something that sounds like “extra support”?
These are fair questions. And honestly, they’re the questions most people don’t get clear answers to until they’re already in labor, or until they’re on the other side of it.
Here’s the truth: hiring a birth doula isn’t about duplicating support that’s already in the room. It’s about filling a gap that modern hospital systems simply aren’t designed to fill.
Doctors and nurses are there to monitor safety and manage medical care. Your partner is there because they love you, but they’re usually experiencing this for the first time too. No one in that room is there solely to tend to you as a human being for the entire experience.
A doula is.
Working with a doula isn’t just about the birth day. It’s about how you feel throughout your pregnancy. It’s about decreasing fear, increasing clarity, and walking into birth feeling grounded instead of overwhelmed. It’s about having someone who knows you, understands your values, and stays present when things feel intense or uncertain.
You don’t need a doula to give birth, but every mom that has one says it completely changes their experience for the better.
How I doula (because I can’t speak for everyone)
First and foremost: I don’t make decisions for you.
I don’t pressure you toward a certain type of birth.
I don’t judge your choices.
I don’t persuade you one way or another.
I listen. I care deeply. And I reflect you back to yourself.
Everything we talk about during pregnancy (your values, your concerns, your hopes, your fears) doesn’t disappear once labor starts. I hold all of that, and when things get intense or overwhelming, I reflect it back to you. Not sugarcoated. Not with false promises. Just honestly and clearly.
Trust and honesty are non-negotiable for me. I will always keep it real with you, and I will always have your back. I help moms transform during pregnancy and birth not by telling them who to be, but by helping them see what’s already there. Think of it like holding up a mirror. Clarity instead of direction. Presence instead of pressure.
Pregnancy and birth have a way of asking you to go deeply inward; to meet parts of yourself you didn’t know existed. And that can feel disorienting and vulnerable, especially when the people around you don’t fully understand what you’re experiencing.
I do.
What people don’t realize is actually huge
Most moms tell me afterward that they didn’t realize just how intense labor would feel and how hard it would be to advocate for themselves in the moment. They didn’t expect how often they’d second-guess themselves.
Is this normal? Is everything okay? Am I doing this right? Should we be doing something more or different?
What changes when I’m there isn’t that the system suddenly becomes perfect… it’s that moms feel grounded. They know their options. They know they’re allowed to ask questions, ask for time, and say no.
A lot of moms don’t realize they have choices around things that are often presented as “the next step” - breaking the water, cervical exams, IVs, constant suggestions to “just get the epidural,” wearing the hospital’s gown, or even how long they can hold their baby during the golden hour.
These things aren’t inherently bad. Sometimes these are useful tools when they’re chosen intentionally. The problem is when they’re presented in a way that doesn’t leave space for consent or reflection.
I’ve see moms get steamrolled not because anyone is malicious, but because hospital systems are fast, standardized, and efficiency-driven. My role is to slow things down just enough so you stay at the center of your own birth.
Why my nursing background matters
I’m not uncomfortable in the hospital setting (some doulas are very anti-hospital, which is fine, but can cause unnecessary tension in your delivery room). I have strong working relationships with the doctors and nurses at Barton, Carson Tahoe, and Tahoe Forest.
I understand what’s being offered, and why. I can explain what’s happening so you can actually understand it. And because I’ve been in thousands of labor rooms, I can stay calm when things feel chaotic… whether that’s intense contractions or a sudden rush of people into the room.
That experience hasn’t made me biased. If anything, it’s taught me the opposite: there is no predicting how birth will unfold.
I don’t come in with a script or expectations. I come in prepared to meet whatever happens, with you.
I’m a mom’s mom
I care deeply about the moms and families I work with. And I’m there to say “hell yes” and hype you up for the choices you make.
I don’t care if you want no pain meds or all the pain meds. You’re going to rock that birth either way, babe.
I don’t care if you choose an induction, a planned cesarean, or spontaneous labor. Your timing is meant to be.
I don’t care how you feed your baby or if you want to co-sleep. Girl, I get it; you do what works best for you.
What I care about is that your choices are yours. Informed, intentional, and respected. That’s what being “on your side” means to me.
Partners are part of this too
I don’t sideline partners, I bring them in.
Partners are included in prenatal conversations, education, and decision-making from the start. I help them understand what they might see, hear, or feel when you’re in labor. And I always teach them how to trust the mom’s intuition and follow her lead.
During labor, I’m there for the partner (or other family members) just as much as I am the mom. I step back when things are flowing, and gently nudge when I can sense something needs to shift.
I’m not there to replace anyone. I’m there to support the whole family.
Who this guidance is especially helpful for
This kind of support is especially helpful if:
You spiral when you think about birth and all the “what ifs”
You lose sleep worrying about how you’ll be treated in the hospital
You want a hospital birth but don’t want to feel passive or powerless
You want safety and autonomy
You want to feel grounded instead of overwhelmed
You feel kind of lost when it comes to preparing for birth
Who I’m not the best fit for
I’m not the best fit if you believe the hospital is the enemy and every interaction needs to be a battle. I’m a bridge, not a bulldozer. That’s not me saying I’m in 100% agreement with how hospitals manage labor. What I mean is that for one reason or another, you are choosing to birth in the hospital; so walking into your birth with the mindset that it’s us versus them serves no one.
I’m also not the best fit if you want someone to just tell you what to do. This is your birth. Your decisions matter.
And full transparency: I use humor from time to time. Sometimes it’s sarcastic. I swear occasionally when something is truly ridiculous. If that’s not your vibe, we probably won’t be either.
If you’re still unsure what you need
Ask yourself honestly: What does the rest of your pregnancy and birth look like if you do nothing differently?
Who has your back?
Who helps you make sense of it all?
Who stays present when things feel big?
My hope is that after reading this, you feel validated, grounded, and empowered to intentionally curate this experience. The kind of birth you want doesn’t usually happen by accident, especially in our modern system.
And you don’t have to face it alone.
Let’s have an honest conversation about the type of support that would serve you best.
→ Free hospital birth readiness check
