The Questions About Hospital Birth You're Too Afraid to Ask (But Absolutely Should)
This might surprise you… but do you know what I heard most often as a nurse from moms who had just given birth?
"I didn't know I could ask that."
"I didn't realize that was an option."
"I was afraid to speak up."
Not because they didn't have questions. They had tons of questions.
But they were scared to ask them out loud. Scared of seeming difficult. Scared of being judged. Scared of not knowing what's "normal" to question and what isn't.
And here's what pisses me off about that: the questions you're most afraid to ask are usually the ones that matter most.
So let's just put them out there. Right now. The questions first-time moms whisper to me during our prenatal visits. The ones they're nervous to bring up with their OB or in the hospital.
Because if you're wondering it? You deserve an answer.
"What if I don't agree with what my provider is recommending?"
This is the big one. The question that keeps first-time moms up at night.
What if your doctor wants to break your water and you're not sure why? What if they're pushing Pitocin and you want to wait? What if they're talking C-section and you want a second opinion?
Here's what you need to know:
You always have the right to:
✅ Ask why something is being recommended. Not in a confrontational way, but genuinely: "Can you help me understand why this is being suggested right now?"
✅ Ask about alternatives. "What are our other options? What happens if we wait 30 minutes (or an hour, or whatever)?"
✅ Ask for time to decide, when it's safe to do so. "Is this an emergency, or do we have a few minutes to talk it through?"
✅ Say no. Yes, even in a hospital. Even to your doctor. You can decline any and everything you don’t want. (More on this in a sec.)
Here's the part most moms don't realize: Asking these questions doesn't make you difficult. It makes you an informed patient. And good providers actually appreciate when you're engaged in your own care.
If your provider responds defensively or dismissively when you ask questions? That's information. And honestly, that's something worth discussing with your doula or support person in the moment.
"Can I actually say no to interventions? Or do I have to do what they tell me?"
Let me be crystal clear about this:
You can say no.
To continuous monitoring. To an IV. To breaking your water. To Pitocin. To an pain meds. To a C-section (in non-emergency situations). Heck, you can even decline to wear those ugly and uncomfortable hospital gowns.
You are not a passive recipient of care. You are the decision-maker in your own birth.
OK but, here's the nuance: Saying no doesn't mean your provider has to agree with your choice. They might strongly recommend something. They might express concern. In rare cases, they might even say, "I'm not comfortable continuing as your provider if you decline this."
But at the end of the day? Your body, your baby, your choice. I love to equip moms with this phrase: “I feel educated on this topic, and this is my choice.”
What I encourage moms to do is ask the right questions before saying yes or no:
What's the benefit of this intervention?
What are the risks?
What happens if we wait?
Are there alternatives?
Is this an emergency, or do we have time to discuss?
Informed consent isn't just signing a form. It's understanding your options and making a choice based on your values and circumstances.
And if you're ever in a situation where you feel pressured, coerced, or like you're not being heard? That's when your doula (or partner, or whoever's advocating for you) steps in and says, "Can we have a moment to talk this through?"
"How much say do I really have in a hospital?"
More than you think. Seriously.
I know hospital birth can feel like everything's decided for you. But even within hospital protocols, you’ll always have choices around:
Positioning during labor and pushing.
Pain management timing.
Who's in the room.
How information is communicated to you.
When and how interventions are introduced.
"What if I change my mind during labor?"
AMAZING! It means you’re paying attention to your body during this whole process and adapting as you go.
However, this one makes moms feel so much guilt.
"I said I didn't want an epidural, but now I do. Does that make me weak?"
"I wanted to go unmedicated, but I'm exhausted and I need relief. Did I give up?"
"I had a whole plan, and now nothing is going the way I thought. Am I failing?"
No. Hell no.
Listen to me: Changing your mind during labor doesn't mean you failed. Birth is dynamic. What you thought you'd want at 3cm might feel completely different at 7cm after 14 hours of labor. And that's okay.
Labor asks you to be flexible. It asks you to tune into what you need in the moment, not just what you thought you'd need three months ago.
Adjusting your preferences isn't weakness. It's wisdom.
And honestly? Any provider, nurse, or doula who makes you feel bad for changing your mind isn't serving you well. A solid support team helps you navigate those decisions without shame.
"What if I feel scared or completely overwhelmed during labor?"
First of all—that's completely normal.
Labor is intense. It's vulnerable. It's physically and emotionally overwhelming. And if you're a first-time mom, you've never done this before. Of course you might feel scared.
But here's what a lot of hospital staff (with the best intentions) get wrong: they try to fix your fear instead of just sitting with it.
"You're doing great! Don't worry!"
"Everything's fine! Baby's perfect!"
And sometimes, that's helpful. But more often than not? You don't need reassurance that everything's fine. You need someone to acknowledge that this is hard and scary, and that you're doing it anyway.
A good doula (or nurse, or partner) won't minimize your fear. They'll say:
"I know this feels really intense right now."
"It's okay to feel scared. You're still doing this."
"You're safe. I'm here. We'll get through this together."
There's a huge difference between dismissing fear and holding space for it.
Sometimes just having someone name what you're feeling (instead of trying to talk you out of it) makes all the difference.
"What if I don't know what questions to ask until I'm already in labor?"
Yeah, that's the tricky part, isn't it?
You can't predict every scenario ahead of time. You don't know what labor will feel like for you. You don't know what situations will come up.
But here's what you can do:
✅ Get clear on your core questions now. Things like: "How will I know if something is routine vs. medically necessary?" or "What does informed consent actually look like in the moment?"
✅ Know who's in your corner. Partner, doula, trusted friend—whoever's with you should know that part of their job is helping you pause when you need to and asking questions on your behalf if you can't.
✅ Practice advocating for yourself before labor. If asking questions feels uncomfortable now, it'll feel even harder when you're in active labor. Start small. Ask your OB a clarifying question at your next appointment. Practice saying, "I'd like to understand more about that before deciding."
✅ Give yourself permission to not have all the answers ahead of time. You don't need to know everything. You just need to trust that you can ask in the moment, and that your support team will have your back.
The Questions You're Afraid to Ask Are the Ones That Matter Most
Here's what I wish every first-time mom knew:
Your questions are valid. Your concerns are legitimate. And asking them doesn't make you difficult.
You're not supposed to just show up to the hospital and do whatever you're told. You're supposed to be an active participant in your birth.
And yeah, that means asking questions. Even the uncomfortable ones. Even the ones you're scared will make you sound "high-maintenance."
The truth: the moms who ask questions are the ones who walk away feeling like they were part of the process, not just along for the ride.
And that's what you deserve.
Still Have Questions You're Nervous to Ask Out Loud?
If you're planning a hospital birth in South Lake Tahoe and you've got questions you're scared to bring up with your provider (or even your partner), let's talk.
I offer free Hospital Birth Readiness Checks specifically for first-time moms. It's a judgment-free space where you can ask:
The "dumb" questions (they're not dumb)
The awkward questions (I've heard them all)
The questions you're scared make you sound difficult (they don't)
You deserve answers. And you deserve to walk into that hospital feeling ready to advocate for yourself.
Let's make that happen.
